Hank to Padres: Gabor Bako can go straight to hell

According to a grown man named Buster, the much beloved Hank White era in Chicago is over.  Hank, shunned by the suddenly lefty-obsessed Jim Hendry has signed with the San Diego Padres for $750,000 for one year.  What, he couldn’t find a Major League team to sign with?

The Cubs are likely to sign the highly inferior Gabor Bako for $500,000 for a year.  Either that or they’ll just use Koyie Dolan Hill as the backup to Rookie of the Year Geovany Soto.  Neither of these seem like good ideas.

Sure, Koyie has a kickass middle name, but the guy cut his fucking fingers off last offseason.  His fingers!  He cut them right off and put them in a little plastic bag, took them to the hospital and had them sewn back on.  I mean, come on, that’s awesome in a manly way, but, oh, I don’t know, how about finding a catcher who’s never cut his fingers off?

As for Bako, the guy sucks ass.  He’s terrible, and frankly we hated him the first time around.  How much did we hate him?

Do you remember this?

I mean why?  Why?

Sure, most of the time your backup catcher isn’t a big deal.  Especially when your starter is as good as Soto is.  BUT…Soto’s got a bad left hand, and he’s fat, and catcher’s get hurt.  What happens if Soto falls face first into a tub of popcorn in April and misses a few months.  We’re going to have to put up with Bako?  Fuck that.

I’ll tell you what’s going to happen.  Jimbo’s going to get on the phone and call Kevin Towers and beg him to trade him Hank.  And by that time, equal value for Hank is going to be Carlos Zambrano, E-ramis and $40 million in cash.  (OK, maybe not the full $40 million.)

A Cubs writer wrote me this about Hank’s departure.

To me, they’re left-handed enough, and if it’s the backup catcher, what the fuck difference does it make anyway? I’ll miss Hank. A great guy.

Fuckin’ A.

Hank, we’ll miss you.  We hope you have fung in AA or whatever league the Padres have been relegated to.  You deserved better.

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11 responses to “Hank to Padres: Gabor Bako can go straight to hell

  1. Hank’s been asleep for a while. Does he know Maddux isn’t there anymore?

  2. Pingback: Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “‘We Have Ricketts!’ and Other Unbearable Puns” Edition

  3. Best page ever. So glad he is now a Met.

    VIVA HANK!

  4. I would not have figured Hank had a dedicated site…good stuff.

  5. Yo does the blog creator still check this? I’d like to do an interview with you about Hank for a Mets blog. Thanks.

  6. Any chance this site will be revived now that Hank is a Cub again? 🙂 http://m.cubs.mlb.com/news/article/102184042/cubs-add-henry-blanco-to-maddons-coaching-staff

  7. at the extreme end, he believes there are women who aren’t interested in having sex. but cassels suspects that’s not who the drug maker will target.
    @opgopg@

  8. разумные сроки

  9. минимальная ответственность

  10. HANK WHITE GOT A RING YA’LL

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